fault lines

new moon, old news in capricorn

Do you feel guilty or are you grieving? I wish someone asked me that 30 years ago. Guilt, feels, sticky, wet, heavy, like, fog. Grief doesn’t float in the air like that, it takes you down under. But at least you come out clean. Guilt is like when the snow melts and you realize it makes the past look dirtier because there’s nothing but mud underneath. But it feels so good to bury yourself in it, like a blanket or a coffin, just some place for you to escape from life because you’re not brave enough to plant something new. Guilt implies fault, fractures, zones of weakness. New land forming looks like destruction pero no es culpa mia, mami. Feel the boundary lines in the tiny cracks of fascia all the way down my legs. Feel the tectonic plates in the scar tissue around my spine that’s hundreds of miles deep and long (this is where the grief hides). Any sudden release of energy can become an earthquake, active tension triggered into momentum. The Earth doesn’t feel guilty about violent acts of creation. Nature can’t be blamed for change. So why would I walk around like a zone of weakness, as if guilty as charged as the friction?